July 3, 2026

It is nearing a year of my official diagnosis with AuDHD, as well as the diagnosis of my oldest son. We’ve known my youngest son’s neurotype for almost four years now.

We are also closing in on the one-year anniversary of when I started Megnatism. My lifelong dream has been to write a book, but for most of those years, I haven’t known what I would write about. Writing just felt like a calling.

The subject is becoming more clear, and this blog is a tool to help me work through that. I had hoped to write more frequently here, but alas…life throws curveballs each day. Usually, I am just too tired after I put the kids to bed and finish my homework. But Megnatism is here when I need her, ready for my prose.

This felt like an opportune time to reflect on the past year. If I were to think of one word to describe the past year, it would be “growth.” Perhaps even “awakening.”

It’s an interesting concept to only discover yourself 42 years into life. Always incredibly self-aware, I have possessed a keen desire to understand how I operate…what makes me tick. Not from a place of correction, but rather a place of understanding. You see, it brings me great comfort to understand WHY something may affect me a certain way, why I may feel certain things, or why I act or react in certain ways. Mostly because if I understand, I can exercise more self-compassion.

My AuDHD diagnosis brought the most self-compassion I could ever imagine. I felt unlocked, as if someone had demystified my lifelong experience. Traumas from my childhood, decades of rumination, and how I interact with demands…suddenly all made sense.

That lifelong feeling of never fitting in…

Too old for young peers

Too young for mature peers

Too smart to be cool

Too mainstream to be hip

Too shy to stand out

Performing too well to hide behind the scenes

Not traditionally pretty but not ugly

Craving socialization but finding it so draining I avoid it

Conforming to rules with ease but despising nonsensical bureacracy

Suddenly with diagnosis, I realize I was never designed to fit in…and that fitting in is actually the antithesis of what I need.

Who wants to be ordinary?

Who wants to be mainstream?

Who wants to be like everyone else?

One of the most critical growth moments of the past year was when I realized I was never shy. My entire life I’ve been labeled “shy” and “lacking confidence.”

I’m not shy–I just don’t want to bother wasting my energy on people or things that do not matter to me. If the environment is too stimulating, I need to shut down to feel more at ease. That isn’t shyness–that’s self preservation.

I have never lacked confidence. I know how smart I am. I know I am a multipotentialite and desperately want others to see that as well. If I’m struggling with an oral presentation, perhaps it is the sensorial aspect of the bright lighting, movement of people, and auditory processing distortion from speaking into a microphone. Maybe I’m thrown aback by the sound of my phone not matching what I believe it to sound like. Perhaps I’m naturally scanning the entire room and distracted by faces that do not match my interest level.

Perhaps…I spend so much time trying to decipher the facial expressions, vocal tone, and intention of words and actions of others…that I’ve spent my entire life second-guessing myself.

That probably is not going to get easier. But here is what I know now that I wish I’d known 20 years ago:

I don’t want to be anything other than what I am.

I don’t want to be anyone other than who I am.

I don’t want to look different than I do.

I don’t want to sound different than I do.

I don’t want to think differently than I do…even if it drains me.

Who I am…what I am…what makes me unique…is exactly what I want to be. Most people do not have the luxury of feeling that.

While I haven’t figured out life or how to get by in a world that wasn’t designed for me, I have mastered the most crucial aspect of human existence…self-acceptance and self-celebration.

My name is Megan. I’m AuDHD. And I’m fucking incredible.