September 18, 2025

Today, I rattled my therapist’s ears off about the weight of invisible labor.

Having an invisible disability and raising children with invisible disabilities is lonely and isolating. 99% of the people I know have no idea I’m autistic. A lot of people I know do not even know about my children’s neurodiversity. I’ve masked so effectively that most people think I’m living the white house/picket fence/2.5 kids life.

The reality is that anything I do requires significantly more effort than if I were neurodiverse. Largely mental effort, but the additional brainpower results in bodily shutdowns. Think of how a machine overheats and powers off….that is me…every day.

I overthink everything. I analyze every angle. I spend a LOT of time on relational matters, ensuring I am considering the thoughts, feelings and impacts to others. Most planned conversations I have are rehearsed over and over again in my head.

Add to that the work of raising a family, then amplify it because I’m raising a neurodiverse family. The planning and problem-solving for my younger PDA son. The time spent on homework with my older son, and worrying about his learning.

Therapy appointments for my sons, therapy appointments for me, doctor appointments, medication management appointments, IEP meetings…it never ends. Then, there are regular things like haircuts, dental appointments, etc.

The piece I grapple with is that I spend all of this energy to ensure my children have the accommodations they need in life…all while no one is accommodating me. How do I keep going? When will I burn out? Will I burn out?

When will I feel a break?