August 29, 2025

What I expected to be a very dysregulating week turned out to be one of the best weeks we have ever had as a family.

This week, my 11-year old, Noel, began middle school (6th grade). I expected a lot of anxiety and fear from Noel. I also expected a fair amount of dysregulation for his 6-year old brother, Miles….because…things are just different.

Miles has already been in school since the beginning of July, since he is in year-round school. This is not only Noel’s first year of middle school, but also his first year on a traditional calendar.

We were not even sure how we were going to approach school drop-off on Monday morning. Conquer and divide? One after another in separate car trips? One after another, same car? The underlying factor that would determine any of this was…Miles.

Dropping Miles off together as a two-parent team has become a necessity. We need all the creative problem-solving and emotional support we can give! Everyone leaving at the house together means we ALL must leave EARLIER than usual.

On Monday, it was apparent that Miles was not ready to leave early. I told Andy to work on Miles and I’d come back for them after dropping Noel off. Both of their schools are extremely close to our neighborhood.

I dropped off Noel, he entered the school bravely and confidently. I actually arrived home to pick up Andy (dad) and Miles at the time we would usually leave. It was touch-and-go for a minute. There was an impromptu donut run needed for encouragement. We were a few minutes tardy to school…something I’ve started to not really care about when it comes to accommodating Miles’s needs. We also found ourselves negotiating picking Miles up upon release time, instead of him going to afterschool care.

Surprisingly, despite the tardy and need for extra accommodations, he went into class willingly and without a fuss. SUCCESS!

Monday afternoon, we knew we needed to pick up both children at 3p. It works out perfectly to pick up Miles and then swing by the middle school to pick up Noel before carpool ends.

In that moment of driving through the middle school carpool line, looking for Noel, with Miles watching from the car…something shifted. He was interested. There was something “big boy” about Noel’s school and process.

The rest of the week, Miles was ready and willing to leave by 0740 without protest. He rode along in the car while we waited to drop Noel off. After two days, Miles told us, “You know we can drop me off through the carpool line instead of walking.” He has NEVER wanted to do this. We even have special accommodations in his IEP allowing us to use a separate unloading area in the event we need to drive him to school. We normally walk from a midway point between our house and the school.

The rest of the week, we dropped Miles off via the carpool lane. He unbuckled, got his backpack, and went in without so much as a single protest. He had a great week in school per his teacher. He was more positive in the afternoon when we picked him up. He even sacrificed riding shotgun one day so that his big brother could have a chance sitting in the front.

In parenting neurodiverse children and especially a PDAer, I know not to take a positive “upswing” as a sign that things have changed permanently for the better. It is more of a sign that his nervous system is not overwhelmed and he is currently in a very regulated state. This wonderful routine could end tomorrow, or next year…or never. The only thing I can do to save myself from disappointment while still reaping the rewards of the moment is to CHERISH the MOMENT. I must stay in the present, not assign value or expectations to the future, while also not allowing myself to be pessimistic about it ending.

We’ve been through this enough in the past few years to know there will be great moments like this, followed by more challenging moments, and then more great moments. This is not a linear journey–there will be good weeks and harder weeks, and nothing is permanent.

I choose to cherish the present moment when it’s worth celebrating. I choose to focus on hope when the moment is gut-wrenching. While the journey is not linear, it also means magic is possible every single day.